Shades of Amber
Session 30 - Cleansed
With memories returned to me, the idea that I am still in my Cube isn’t as strong as it once was. If I am in my Cube, once again my imagination is amazingly powerful.
Those that can shape stone with a touch, draggins molding away stone around them, yet more family memebers, and this Pattern.
How much danger was I in that I was abandoned by my father? Why were my cousins the one to find me and not him? Is it because Eric didn’t tell him where I was or did he have better things to do than look for his daughter?
In a way I’m glad I didn’t appear before him, for I fear I would of simply cried and not been able to talk or vent my feelings properly at him. Have I made him proud living my life as I have? Is being a servant good or will he be disappointed at my lack of skill? Though my memories have some techniques that will probably help me in future confrontations… Still…
These cousins have trouble explaining things. They will say one thing but often it will mean something else. For instance, you can do anything. Yet when I expressed doing something, I was told no it doesn’t work that way. What they really meant is you can do more than you could have before.
I do feel it inside of me though, this Pattern power. The memories…they are what make me doubt some that I’m still in my Cube. Still, I won’t know until I meet my dad. I think perhaps I will always keep him an abstract being even with these new memories till we’re standing face to face. Then the dream will end, I’m sure, and I’ll wake up in the darkness. The never ending darkness that seeps through my bones and inro my mind like a wailing demon screeching in a whirlwind… Let’s stop remembering that place.
Well, another thing might make me believe I am for sure in the Cube would be seeing Morgana on her hands and knees cleaning the floor. If that happens I’m sure I’m in a fantasy world, since I’m pretty sure my mind has painted her as the thing I dislike in the Above’s. Arrogant, prideful, controlling, and stubborn. The kind of person who would wrongly imprison you. I’ll just mind my manners around her, or try too… am I getting an attitude toward the Above’s and their ilk? Doesn’t that mean I have to have one towards myself since I’m of the same blood as my cousins? Ha ha ha…
Also, I have no idea why they don’t want me to clean, but it’s not like they can actually stop me from doing it. u.u There’s nothing like a good cleaning to put your mind at ease. I just need to go pick some stuff up first.